There are two sides to every NBA Power Ranking: the Fanalytical and the Fanatical. As a Miami HEAT blogger living on the east coast, MHI plays the snide fanatic for the Western Conference Playoffs. As a Denver Nuggets fan living west of the Mississippi River, I play the reasonable fanalyst. The roles are reversed for the Eastern Conference Playoffs that can be found here.
1. San Antonio Spurs: Give me a boring winner over an exciting loser. San Antonio is looking for their 19th consecutive win to tie the 2001 Los Angeles Lakers for most consecutive wins leading into the playoffs. Tony Parker, Duncan, Manu, throw some Leonard, Blair, Splitter, Bonner and the fan-fucking-tastic Popovich and that the perfect recipe for a title contending team.
MHI: What’s with this schizo ranking? You picked OKC to beat the Spurs in 7, so why are the Spurs #1? Are you waiting until next week to put the Thunder 1st? WCF will end the week 2-2 with a Ginobili/Duncan injury. Book it.
2. OKC Thunder: Young prevailed as they HAMMERED the defunct Los Angeles Lakers. Kobe never stood a chance, Andrew Bynum is a bipolar mess, and Pau Gasol is still a sensitive llama. Thunder have a real opponent, about time, in San Antonio.
MHI: How does the great, selfless Point God Russell Westbrook’s team get left with a #2 ranking? Speaking of Westbrook, how does a PG “end the selfish narrative” by averaging less assists? It’s the Nerd Swag, right? He had you at the Sally Jesse Raphael glasses, didn’t he? If Derrick Rose didn’t need a walker you wouldn’t give 2 shits about Westbrook would you? You’ll be speaking French next week if Westbrook doesn’t D up. Tony Parker already hit his ass with 47 this season.
3. Los Angeles Lakers: Too bad, so sad. Their experience didn’t mean didily squat when confronted with a REAL team. Lakers’ fans can soothe themselves with all those “ringgzzzzz” as OKC fans cheer on the new starship of the west.
MHI: Clearly, the Kobe System wasn’t designed to handle unprecedented levels of bitchassness from Pau Gasol & Andrew Bynum. Back to the drawing board they go…
4. Los Angeles Clippers: Flop City had a great regular season, but darling, they weren’t built for anything past the first round.
MHI: So what were the Nuggets built for? Oh yeah, to be a less talented version of the Thunder, just like Herman Cain’s a less talented version of Obama. LMFAO.
5. Memphis Grizzlies: ELIMINATED
6. Denver Nuggets: ELIMINATED
7. Dallas Mavericks: ELIMINATED
8. Utah Jazz: ELIMINATED